What FBI negotiators can teach you about composing

My Dearest Tortured Composer,

I write to you today with a lesson from an odd book. 

A book you would not expect to contain a lesson on composing or music. 

But I believe this lesson contains one of the essential reasons so many composers struggle to finish music. 

To get gigs. 

And to actually put themselves out there. 

And I believe that when you understand this concept, it could transform both your music and the size of your wallet.

This lesson comes from the book Start With No by Jim Camp. 

Camp was called the world’s most feared negotiator. 

The FBI allegedly changed their negotiation tactics based on what Jim Camp taught them. 

Many books about sales, business, marketing etc. bore me to tears. 

But I was pleasantly surprised by this one. 

And within it I found a “meta” lesson that can help you write better music. 

In the first chapter of the book, Camp talks about something I did not expect would come first in a book on negotiation.

He sets out to describe “neediness.” 

What is neediness? 

 Needing something from someone. Simple right? 

Maybe you NEED someone’s approval. 

I NEED that car. I NEED that person. I NEED that job. 

But Camp argues that in reality, we need very little. Just the essentials of survival and maybe some companionship.

But if you go into a negotiation, whether it be for a composing gig, a date, or buying a car…

If you go into it NEEDING to get it…

You come to the table in a much weaker position. 

Camp says that the number one most important thing for any negotiation is “nixing neediness from your life.”

Now why is this relevant to you and writing music? The same thing that ruins negotiations… 

Can Ruin Your Music!

That thing is neediness.

Here’s the problem.

Many aspiring composers' music might not be bad.

It might be… needy.

It's trying EXTREMELY hard to get the approval of others. 

What can this sound like?

It's not always obvious. But many times there are just too many things going on. 

Violin runs every 30 seconds! 

A choir chanting fake Latin happening all over the place! 

Taikos! So many taikos!

I once had the privilege (or curse?) to listen to probably around 1,000 budding composers/producers' music. 

People that were just getting started and looking for help.

And I encountered this “musical neediness” more times than I can count. 

What happens is that composers/producers/musicians start to get scared people will not like their music. 

They get insecure about their melodies, their material.

They’re afraid they aren't good enough. 

And so they start endlessly tweaking. Adding everything they can. Thinking that the one thing that will make their music sound better is…

MORE IDEAS!

But if you listen to a lot of the greatest music, it's usually just one or two ideas. Many times, pieces that sound huge only contain a few instruments. 

When I was but a wee lad of a composer, I had an experience I’m sure you may be able to relate to. 

I was listening to Mozart’s Jupiter Symphony and was enthralled. Moved. Inspired. 

It sounded HUGE to me. I thought it came down from heaven. 

I figured it must be wildly complex. Full of moving pieces. 

Then I looked at the score… and it was just a few parts. Just a few instruments…

Creating a Massive Impact!

Now, I’ve worked with multiple clients, collaborators, and students that had this problem. 

And sometimes, I would realize their musical decisions had nothing to do with the music. 

They’d even let me in on some of their little secret motivations. 

There was a person they’d want to impress. 

Could have been a fellow musician. 

Could have been a love interest (this was so common). 

Could be a random friend. 

One singer I worked with subjected me to a torturous experience I’ll never forget.

We were collaborating on a piece of music.

We’d work on the piece, get it going pretty well. 

Then he would show it to one of his friends. 

The friend was not a musician and did not like the type of music we were making. 

So this friend would give some random feedback like “it seems a little low energy in the middle.”

Then the next time we’d meet up, this singer and I would tweak and tweak and change and try to get this piece of music up to this imaginary standard so we could get his friend’s approval. 

It made me want to rip off my fingernails one by one. 

He NEEDED his friend’s approval. He’d waste hours of his own time and my time just to get some amorphous thumbs up from someone who didn’t care at all. 

I wanted to tell him to become a psychic because then he could put all the mind reading he was doing to good use. 

But what this singer wanted more than anything was that sweet, dark nectar of approval. 

The “my precious” from his friend. He’d turned into a Gollum that was seeking nothing more than to get his friend to say “yes, I like this.”

The One Friend’s Approval To Rule Them All!

A copywriter named Ben Settle put together a list of the key tells of neediness that you can read below:

• Talk a lot when trying to persuade someone to do what you want. 

• Asking people to spend time with you, instead of inviting them to. 

• Constantly checking your phone when waiting for a reply. 

• Afraid of not being liked. 

• Complain about people not making time for you. 

• Get emotional when someone tells you “no.” 

• Always available, no matter what. 

• Fear losing people in your life. 

• Show respect to people who don’t respect you back. 

• Work on other peoples’ missions before working on your own each day. (Including going to work in the morning before putting time in on your mission first.) 

• Have trouble saying “no” to people. 

• Apologize all the time.

Sound familiar? 

It’s something that happens to everyone. And you may have just had a few daggers penetrate your heart when reading that list. I did the first time I read it.

And if you were to make a list for composers of what “neediness” looks like in their music, it would look like the following

• Deeply afraid that people won’t like your music

• Whenever you play your music for someone you mention “this is still a work in progress” 

• Groveling at the feet of anyone and everyone that could potentially give you a gig 

• Adding loads and loads of parts, instruments, FX, and more until your music is so overcrowded with parts you can’t make out the main idea

• Constantly asking for feedback on your music and being overly concerned with how it is perceived 

• Complain about not getting plays, shares, responses when you send out emails

• Don’t send out any emails, do any outreach, share anything for fear of getting rejected or someone not liking what you’re doing 

• Talk a lot when trying to persuade someone to hire you

• Don’t ever talk to anyone about your music or ask anyone to work with you. 

• Not ever truly finishing anything for fear of what people will think (An unfinished project can’t be judged)

• Needing to be seen as the “know it all.” Correcting people on theory, offering guidance when it isn’t asked for, attempting to demonstrate your knowledge all the time. Giving recommendations on the amazing plugins you use.

As you can see, the pendulum swings both ways. 

But fear not, EVERYONE is subject to a lot of these. I’m guilty of everything on both of these lists. 

So how do you fix this? 

Well, the first step is really awareness.

The non-needy path is somewhere in the middle. 

And just being aware you’re doing it. 

But there’s another fix.

One that can help you finish music much easier. 

Develop a bit of a thicker skin.

And change the way you interact in creative negotiations, in making music, and even in your love life. 

And if you’ve felt like you’re always on the bottom when reaching out. Like you’re in a lower position and people don’t treat you with respect…

You need to know this.

I'll share it in the next week or two.

But in the meantime, this week, notice one place where your music is trying too hard to impress someone specific.

I've personally found that just being aware of this concept changed more than I expected.

Until then, remember…

The world waits for your music…

-Luke

At Tortured Composer's Society, it's our mission to create and provide a community that helps you live a more creative and fulfilling life as a composer. When Tortured Composer's Society was established in 1685 (or thereabouts), we wanted to make the community an inclusive, welcoming table where everyone can come to overcome their creative blocks and thrive as composers.

We believe that every composer, from the bedroom producer to the concert hall maven, deserves a place to explore their craft without judgment. Our community understands the unique challenges of staring at blank manuscript paper at 3 AM, the peculiar torture of hearing a melody in your head that refuses to translate to the page, and the specific type of existential crisis that comes from comparing your work to Bach's while eating cold pizza in your pajamas.

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